If I'm Royalty, Why Don't I Have Blue Blood?
by GunpowderWizard
Summary: Being royalty might not be all it's cracked up to be... but it's still pretty cozy. AU and Slice of Life.


**Disclaimer: I'll own Code Geass when pigs fly.**

_August 10, 2XXX_

_Dear Diary,_

_The boredom of mid-summer break is a wonderful thing; it makes both suicide and school seem quite attractive in comparison. Of course, suicide does not pay off for most people in the long run, and I still have 3 weeks until Year 13 comes around, so I shall, instead of myself, kill time and, by extension, my boredom. I think I'll do so by humiliating Clovis; good-bye for now._

_P.S. I might have overused the comma in that paragraph, forgive me._

* * *

**If I'm Royalty, Why Don't I Have Blue Blood?**

_Because there's more than one Holy Britannia Empire out there in the multiverse._

**Level 1: Code Boredom**

**Boss: Prince Clovis**

**Select Character: Prince Lelouch**

**Ready**

* * *

It was a "scorchingly hot" 22 degree summer Berkshire morning at Windsor Palace, or at least that's what favourite dainty little flower Lulu thinks. As per the usual routine that day, he wiped his forehead clean of sweat with his sleeve, and sighed.

_So many ways to bully poor Clovis, and I can pick only one of them, such a tragedy._

Inhaling another 2 cups of English air, Lelouch Britannia juggled around the Black King chess piece that he always carried with him in his right palm.

The morning shone brightly in his face, and disliking the brightness of the light, he turned his head downward.

He then proceeded to slap his sweat-free forehead with his left hand upon realisation that the answer was clenched in his right hand the whole time.

_Yes… perfect, this should be good enough for that narcissist._

Our favourite egomaniac prince then proceeded to burst into his usual crazed laughter, gaining strange looks from a nearby butler.

* * *

Poor, poor Clovis Britannia, Duke of Lancaster and 3rd Prince of the Holy Britannia Empire; all he wants to do for his summer off from Oxford is to paint that 87th self-portrait that he never got around to doing.

Unfortunately, Clovis had Lelouch Britannia, Duke of Gloucester and 4th Prince of the Holy Britannia Empire for a little brother, and despite being a genius and seventeen years-old, Lelouch still had a taste for cruel and childish pranks. Needless to say, Clovis was always on guard, as their father, Emperor Charles Britannia took no interest in mediating their rivalries and disputes, and actually encouraged such behaviour for reasons that escaped both Clovis' comprehension and sympathy.

For now though, Clovis was free to admire his beauty and immortalise it for the 87th time in his life.

It was 4:21 pm now, and the narcissist prince made the final brushstroke on his 87th tribute to his own face. "Perfect," Clovis clutched his brush in glee, "now to work on that bikini…"

"Dear brother Clovis, it's been a while since we've had tea together."

Clovis looked over to the door in dread and replied: "It has been, hasn't it?" and gave an awkward little chuckle afterwards.

_That egomaniac, I wonder what he's planning this time…_

_Our favourite little narcissist won't ever know what hit him._

Putting on a smile, Lelouch held up a portable chess set in his right hand and a tea set by his left. "I'm rather bored, and I thought that you and can play a game of chess while enjoying some tea and biscuits together."

* * *

Clovis never really did understand why he always had such high hopes for any game of chess with Lelouch. Nor did he understand why he always chose to play the white side despite Lelouch's specialty in playing as the black side. Perhaps it's a subconscious desire to finally beat that bastard at his own game.

If only he could actually even take a piece from his little brother.

"Your turn," declared Lelouch, having moved his Queen.

_Well slap me silly…_

Almost as if God had finally answered that little statement in his mind, Lelouch had moved his Queen right into the attack line of his waiting Rook, seemingly oblivious to the silent but deadly sentinel… but what if…

Then the truth dawned upon Clovis, what if Lelouch intended on having his Queen be taken by his Rook as part of some larger plan? What if he was taking advantage of him as part of some cruel joke? What if…

Clovis looked up to Lelouch, with the same little grin on his face. _He's mocking me, he knows I'm confused…_

The narcissist prince looked over to the grandfather clock in the corner of his room, the pendulum swung in time with its rhythm.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

These sounds rang in his now empty head, mired in his current conundrum. He turned over to the tea set and grabbed a cup of Earl Grey with shaking hands and emptied its contents into his stomach. After which he grabbed a biscuit and took a bite.

"Do you like it? I made it personally."

Clovis' eye twitched ever so slightly and he took another bite before he realised… that said biscuit was delicious! Uncharacteristically, he wolfed the rest of the biscuit down.

_Wait!_ Clovis swallowed the bolus, _This must be a ploy to lull me into a false sense of security! He WANTS me to feel confident! He…_

"My, if you play like this, big brother," Lelouch took a sip of tea, "I should just be glad for you that we don't have any timers right now…"

_That smug snake IS mocking of me!_

_Get a hold of yourself!_ Clovis slapped himself, perplexing Lelouch, _I am Prince Clovis! When an opportunity presents itself…_

Clovis moved his Rook in for the kill…

_I TAKE IT!_

The Black King wept that turn for the loss of his beloved wife, the Black Queen, while the foul machine called the White Rook held that beautiful lady of war's head high into the air in triumph, her body limp and bloody on the ground, sword still clutched in hand.

"Checkmate."

Both Clovis and the White King did a double take. The White Rook dropped the head.

It was only upon further analysis that Clovis fully understood exactly why he should not have taken the Black Queen. His King, which hid behind a Pawn, was now directly in the attack range of Lelouch's Rook, which stood on the bottom-right grid and waiting to strike. Meanwhile, two grids ahead of the Pawn guarding the White King was a Black Knight, ready at any moment to avenge his queen.

The Black King smiled while shedding bittersweet tears as he stared into those entrancingly gorgeous violet eyes of his spouse's picture in his locket. Her sacrifice was not in vain, as the White King had just drove a sword through his own stomach, having preferred a death by his own hand over one by the hands of them.

In real world, however, a much different type of drama occurred.

Clovis began to bawl his eyes out. One might believe that doing so would be over-reacting to a lost chess match, but one does not know the satisfaction that taking even ONE piece from Lelouch gave Clovis. Ironically, doing so also ended the game in his loss.

Lelouch offered his bosom to Clovis to weep into, and Clovis obliged.

* * *

_Update: Everything went according to plan. I wonder if Clovis noticed yet…_

* * *

"Kya!" Clovis hopped back and rubbed his shin in pain, "Why did you do that, Schneizel?!"

Schneizel Britannia, Duke of York and 2nd Prince of the Holy Britannia Empire chuckled and beckoned for Clovis to inspect his back.

Clovis grabbed at his back and ripped off a piece of paper that had been taped on, his eyes dilated upon reading the message written: "Kick me in the shin, I'm ugly."

_That bastard… that bastard must have stuck this onto my back while I was crying!_

"LELOUCH, YOU BLOODY LITTLE TWIT!!"

* * *

… _I think he did._

* * *

**Level 1: Complete!**

**Completion: 10000pt**

**Style: 10000pt**

**Maliciousness: 10000pt**

**Rank: S**

**Prince Lelouch is a Magnificent Bastard!**

* * *

GW: And thus ends the first episode of my Code Geass fan fiction.

CS: Quite obviously, it's an AU.

LG: Some here might remember us from Rau's New Plaything.

PP: GW doesn't really care much for Gundam SEED anymore, so don't expect an update.

END


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